Kitten Behind Bars After Savage Cute Attack
A 2-month old kitten is in custody this morning after a brutal cute attack left at least one victim so overcome with cute that she was unable stand without assistance for three hours. Witnesses to the terrible event found it difficult to speak about so soon, but one onlooker told The Fluffington Post that the suspect’s wonton use of cuteness was “unspeakably horrific.”
“It was awful,” said the witness, who wished to remain anonymous out of fear of reprisal. “The kitten just sat there being… [sob]… so gosh darn cute. There was one woman who sighed so hard I think she may have cracked a rib. My face still hurts from smiling. Terrible. Just terrible.”
I’m so glad I have such a loyal legion of exboyfriends to rescue me.
I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THIS.